Sunday, July 25, 2010

Photophobia 7/22/10 (the same date our bread expired)

Current song: none. Just some rifts I’ve been inventing.

Its been astoundingly hard to keep this journal or to even take many pictures. I guess that sometimes it can feel like a picture or a memoir can take away from, cheapen, or demean precious memories. Especially for a person who is as afflicted with idealism as myself. Some pictures are worth a thousand words, but maybe memories are more precious without words or pictures. I feel like taking a picture for me is just putting something in a box, where you can keep it safe and keep it out of mind… keep it controlled… keep you safe. I understand the Aborigines concern of souls being taken away or captured by photographs. I want my memories to breath, to stink, to sweat and to carry on a conversation.

But then I realize that all that above mention frustration is a little selfish (maybe more than a little). A picture is about sharing, whereas not taking can be hoarding. Not writing in a journal that I know is for people to read is to be miserly. I have to get this notion of “me” out of my head and start thinking more of the “we”. Stop the “my Father ” and employ the “Our Father”. Reminds me of alex supertramp’s conclusion at the end of the film: “happiness is only real when shared”.

8 comments:

Mother Mary said...

Your thoughts interest me my son. I love it when you share what is on your heart. Mom

Anonymous said...

What is going on there right now? Here I am innocently trying to sleep from 3-6 am on Sunday morning and instead of sawing logs I've got you & April in my heart, but there's plenty of room. Praying for you two!
-Nicki-

Allysha said...

I read it! :)

Ariel said...

Looks like you're having a good time! I enjoy reading your pondering thoughts, it leaves much for me to dwell upon as well. My prayers are with you two!
~Ariel Cormack

Anonymous said...

Good read...........you are one of my favorite authors. :)

Anonymous said...

LOL.......it can be done Mary!! I figured it out on my own!! What a miracle!! You learn something new EVERYDAY!!!

Mother Mary said...

Josih, we had April's family over last night. We ate Indian food and watched an Indian movie...thinking you both of you.
This morning I woke up at 4:00 and could not sleep...so I decided to read some of your older blogs....I enjoyed reading them again.
Well It has been good...and now maybe I can get back to bed...Mom

GenericallyGypsi said...

I realize this is old, but I'm catching up...

I absolutely agree with the idea of photographs taking away from memories... I wrote an entire paper on it, actually. Even though I used to be practically addicted to my camera, now when someone tries to hand me a camera and designate me as the photographer of any event, I adamantly refuse. That may be more than a little selfish of me, but I whole heartedly believe that experiences should be from behind a lens.

Anyway, I hope you're staying healthy!